Do What You Do.

Lately I've become aware of something in me that resents something in someone else.  Trying to put this into words, so it'll be out of my head.

I met a new friend some time ago who welcomed me into her life immediately.  No questions, no judgments, just wholehearted acceptance and encouragement from the very start.  And I really do appreciate that.  Probably more than I realize right now.  As time has gone by, I've seen a need in her to be the center of attention, to be in the spotlight.  And this is where I run into mucky feelings.

It's not that I want to be everyone's focus.  But due to the unique circumstances of the situation, I find myself being pushed into her shadow.  And I am NOT a shadow-dweller.  I may not always need to be #1, but when I'm pigeonholed into someone else's shadow, I get a little grumpy.  I guess I need to pray my way to the root of THAT...because what it comes down to is that this is how other people see things, and I shouldn't care about others' point of view, cliche, cliche, and so on and so forth.  But I (and I can't really think I'm the only one who feels this way) want to be recognized for my individuality, my presence as just myself.  Being lumped into something by someone else just scrapes against my nerves.  And even as I'm typing through this and mulling things over, I'm pretty sure I recognize pride in here.  I've come across pride in myself at various times throughout my life, so it doesn't surprise me...but it saddens me.  Because here I am having these icky feelings about someone else because of my own stuff.

So...what's the solution?

Well, maintaining my focus comes to mind first.  I am in a certain place (be it work, home, the gym, or wherever) to do what I am there to do.  Not to get sidetracked by distracting thoughts.  Not to let other people's issues get in the way of what I need to do.  Not to win some popularity contest or be everyone's favorite.  If I can be of help to someone else, that is definitely a bonus.  But to be real, that's not the primary reason for everything I'm doing right now.

Not to mention that I'm a far cry from perfection...and wait.  Someone else might see things in me that they resent.  As hard as that is for me to believe (har har har) I have to acknowledge it.

And other people have their own mission/purpose/reason also.  Maybe my role is to be a quiet supporter and a hard worker where someone else really needs to shine.  If that's what they need to accomplish their goals, who am I to knock anyone down?  I sure don't know what's in the deepest parts of my own self, let alone what's going in on the inside of anyone else.

So.  Praying.  Because that changes MY heart towards others...and I have a hunch that's what God wants in the first place.  And He does some really cool stuff.  Like, wicked cool.  So I'm going to pray for humility where I have pride.

And so.  Allowing others the room they need to do what they need to do.  That's what I want, and in the grand scheme of things, allowing this for others will also give me more room for what I need to do.

What do we do with our problems?

Saw this on Facebook today.

It actually put me into a little bit of shock, tbh.

I don't agree with this at all.

Firstly, because it tells me that I fall into one of these groups of people - either the 80% who don't care, or the 20% who are glad.  And that's just not true of me.  I almost feel like this statement doesn't even give caring people a chance.  And while it's completely up to each one of us if we talk about our problems or not, I value being given an opportunity to listen, and to share if I feel I have something of value to share.  If someone trusts me with a problem they're having, I feel a great sense of honor and a closer connection with that person.

Secondly - the idea of never telling my problems to anyone is an isolating, lonely and overwhelming one.  When I internalize my problems, they never come to light.  I'm a big fan of having things out in the open.  Truth and transparency, in my opinion, take the power away from secrets.  Also, if I don't talk to anyone about my problems, I don't get nearly as much chance to learn from my experiences or to get feedback or perspective from anywhere except my own mind.  And really, my own mind can be a scary place to live sometimes.  When left to my own devices, I create a whirling dervish of downward thought that never creates a resolution.

I don't know...this idea just creates a box that I can't stand to think of living in.