Shopping Epiphany

I was in need of some clothes for an upcoming event (which shall, for now, remain nameless).  Being the weight I am right now, clothes shopping is nowhere near as fun as it used to be.  Well, it hasn't been, anyway.  And I've put off buying any new clothes because "I'm going to lose weight".  Which I still am, by the way.  But the truth is, I haven't yet.  I took off 5 pounds but that's barely a dent in what I need to do.  And that's a whole different blog post, I think.

Anyway, I found myself needing a certain type of clothes for this week.  So I hauled myself down to Maplewood Mall because they have a JCPenney, a Sears, AND a Kohl's.  I don't mind shopping at these stores, because they have the more "classic" styles (read: not trendy!) and the prices are decent.  As a matter of fact, Maplewood is one of my favorite malls to shop at.  It's easy to navigate, it has lots of stores that I like, and it's pretty close to home.  I saved the trip for this afternoon, because I wanted to have a kind of leisurely shopping experience.  I anticipated needing to browse clearance racks, because of course I was shopping out of season, and that act itself is not something that can be done bing-bang-boom.  I found some clothes that I liked, and proceeded to the fitting room.

Now let's take a quick break.  I think I've been kinda in denial about the size and shape of my body the past few years.  Again, I won't get into all those details right now, but it's resulted in my trying to fit into clothes that are just too small.  I'll buy a new pair of pants or a shirt in the size I've been buying for 15 years, because that's the size I wear, and that's the size I should be.  Then I'll get it home and manage to get it on, only to be uncomfortable and adjusting my clothes all day when I stand up from my chair or whatever.  Plus, I'm sure it doesn't look very nice.  They don't fall the way they should and I have this horrible image of trying to fit 10 pounds of sausage into a 5 pound bag.  (Nice image, right?)

I didn't want that anymore.  The clothes I picked out today were a larger size.  Because, truth be told, I am right now a larger size.  I'm not happy about it, but that's the way it is.  And the thing was:  When I tried the clothes on today?  They fit.  They looked nice and they did what they were supposed to do.

And you know what else?  This is the REALLY weird part.  I felt good wearing them.

I don't feel good about my size, and I know some people have difficulty finding the difference in what I'm saying.  But I also know that this has never happened to me before and it really was an eye-opening experience.  I can be dissatisfied with my circumstances (my weight and my size), but that doesn't mean I have to be miserable about them.  If I make the best of them, then when they do change, I can make the best of my new circumstances.  And like a good friend reminded me today, when we look good, we feel good.